Relaxation worked for grandma

I think I probably speak for most infertiles out there who would rank the comment "You just need to relax" on the top 5 of the most hated remarks passed on by random people who have never experienced infertilty and basically have no idea what the hell they are talking about. A good many of us have explained to our closer, and therefore supposedly more sensitve, friends and family the annoyance of the "just relax" mantra.

But the weird thing is how totally impervious people are to being informed that in quite a lot of cases, infertility is more than likely a medical condition, for which all the relaxation in the world will not help. It's like they simply cannot register or believe that infertility cannot be eliminated simply by embarking on a Caribbean cruise or trip to the spa.

I had the "don't tell me to relax" conversation with my mother recently. I told her, quite calmly and gently how frustrating and annoying it is to hear that, and how I was astonished at the level of ignorance displayed by some doctors with regard to the "magic of relaxation". I explained that I know that stress can wreak havoc on hormones and disrupt the balance. I know that being a control freak may hinder matters. But, as I laughed through gritted teeth, I admitted that I have an overwhelmingly urge to rip someone a new one for being so cavalier to suggest that basically, infertility is all in my head and I should just chill.

She nodded knowingly, paused, sipped her tea.

"But you know," she says, "your grandmother had terrible problems getting pregnant. They tried for seven years before they had me. Things weren't so medically advanced back then. They finally gave up. And lo, she conceived. " Further pause. More tea slurping. I know what's coming next.

"So, in actual fact, relaxation is not such a bad idea. Quite useful, actually. To just...relax".