Thursday, December 02, 2004

In which it turns out I am disappointed after all

So. As anticipated, I am definitely Not Pregnant. Un-pregnant. Pregnancy-free. Without child. Knocked down, as opposed to knocked up.

Sorry, Mom, no need to rush down to Walgreens or wherever for an HPT. I know you had a 15% off coupon and were all psyched up to use it on some peesticks for me.

Sorry, E. I wish we knew what the problem was here. You told me tonight that you phoned the clinic, and they won't give the SA results until we speak to our RE at our next appointment. We'll have a lot to chat about, won't we, since that HSG will be going ahead after all. Guess I better not go too hog wild with the credit card since I'll now need to come up with the cash to pay for that appointment.

It's funny how the disappointment finds you, even when you thought it wouldn't. Even when you knew what was coming, and had braced yourself for another let down. Even when you told yourself all those fantasies of buying baby clothes (the exchange rate! so good! worth it to shop now!) were foolhardy in the extreme.

Even when you thought you had outrun it, gone into hiding. Gone on holiday.

24 Comments:

At 1:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. It's so frustrating to not know the problem so you can fix it. And even when you know it's coming (the disappointment), it's never pleasant and you always feel like crap.

Thinking of you.

xxxxoooo,
Emily
scrambledeggs

 
At 1:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Mare. I'm so sorry. I know that feeling well - my disappointment will be finding me in a few days as well. I wish I had all of the answers for you, for all of us. Sigh.

Love you bunches
Moogielou
Fractured Fairtyale

 
At 2:10 AM, Blogger Sandy said...

Hope is a fickle old bag, especially when her sister Disappointment comes to visit. I'm sorry. Hope that being with your family during this month is helpful, and that you don't have to spend too much time in the basement!

 
At 2:24 AM, Blogger lobster girl said...

I'm sorry Mare. Yeah, knocked down, I like that. I mean, you know, I don't like it. Certainly not for you. And yes, it is funny that no matter how far away you are, hope still tracks you down.

 
At 3:19 AM, Blogger NSR said...

Mare, I 'm so sorry. It doesn't seem to get any easier. Thinking of you.

 
At 3:44 AM, Blogger Marla said...

I'm so sorry, hon.

 
At 3:55 AM, Blogger Meh said...

Oh my darling Mare, I am so sorry. It just fucking sucks, big time. It's that bitch Hope, she is the one that allows Disappointment to find you, no matter where you hide. And even though you do your best to hide from her, she is always lurking somewhere in the background.

smooches

 
At 4:05 AM, Blogger Miss W said...

Oh, Mare. I know how disappointed you are. I think the constant renewal of hope with each new cycle is one of the worst things about this whole fucked up experience of trying to have a baby. Seems like every time I become ok with myself, it's time to hope that maybe this time...

Sending lots of love down the east coast to you!

 
At 4:06 AM, Blogger Heather said...

I'm so sorry. You would think, after so many months, that the disappointment would get easier to handle, but I know damn well that it never does. Thinking of you.

 
At 3:27 PM, Blogger E. said...

How miserable -- I'm so sorry. You'd think at least you could be spared over the holidays.

 
At 4:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry, Mare. This whole thing sucks weenies. I hope you can have some fun while on your vacation.
hug,
Jen/VintageUterus

 
At 4:29 PM, Blogger Anna H. said...

So sorry Mare. Thinking of you...

xxoo

 
At 4:56 PM, Blogger Soper said...

*sigh*

Why can't you get a fucking break? That sucks.
I only know one joke, and I've already told it to you, or I'd tell you another.

A baby peed on my bed when we were taking it's pictures this morning, does that help? All the way down to the mattress. A big, sopping puddle of pee, right where I sleep, and it's not even mine....

 
At 6:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Mare,
I'm so very sorry. I think it's just the human condition to hope against hope, to believe that this time will be different, to trust that Lucy will hold that football in place just this once. I send you a good old fashioned Peanuts AAAAAAAAUGHH!

Oh, and I also really liked the "knocked down." You have such a way with words.

Sending wishes for a prompt end to this mess.
susan

 
At 6:19 PM, Blogger Tiff said...

I am sorry.

 
At 9:12 PM, Blogger amyesq said...

I am really, really sorry. Nothing else that can be said.

-AmyY

 
At 10:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Mare. I'm so sorry. I wish it was easier.

~Brooklyn Girl

 
At 12:45 AM, Blogger Toni said...

I'm so sorry dear...I was hoping for good news.

 
At 3:02 AM, Blogger sherry said...

Oh Mare. I'm so, so sorry. That disappointment sucks. Thinking of you...

 
At 7:09 AM, Blogger DeadBug said...

Sometimes, it's the months in which I'm holding out the least hope that kick me hardest in the stomach when they end. So sorry you're going through it again.

 
At 4:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I am so sorry.
"Even when you thought you had outrun it..."
My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry.
Menita
(lifesjestbook)

 
At 1:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry, Mare.

Love you.

karen/naked ovary

 
At 6:24 PM, Blogger getupgrrl said...

I'm so, so sorry.

 
At 12:56 AM, Blogger Jen P said...

I'm so sorry Mare. So very sorry. You and E deserve so much more than this.

 

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