Thursday, February 10, 2005

Previously on...

Lest anyone remain in any doubt following my ramblings and gibberings in the last two posts, a decision has been made as to what to do next. That decision was actually made a little while ago. We're going to try treatment.

That was always the original plan, so we're not really veering off our chosen course. I was simply trying to explain why I felt there was rather a lot riding on getting it right, whichever way we went.

If you're wondering why on earth I didn't just spit it out earlier- well, if nothing else, blogging allows you to be the editor in the telling of your own story. And I confess to taking a small amount of satisfaction in drawing out the tale in true serial soap opera fashion. Just wait until we get to the next chapter- there might be a cliffhanger every month! Oh, what fun for you and for me.

Also, it took me over a month of teeth gnashing and nail biting, plus gut wrenching talks with E. to reach this conclusion. It only seems fair that you should be kept wondering for two posts or so. I might have written it all a bit quicker, but somehow having to go to work every day can knock the stuffing out a decent writing schedule, you know?

I was thinking this morning that sometimes it must be tricky if you are new to someone's blog. How do you to pick up the thread? I mean, in some cases, there can be months of complicated backstory to wade through. Imagine if you missed a key detail, like the shot of the sled in Citizen Kane.

We're all so used to handy recaps at the start of a new episode in a TV series, with Voice-Over Man intoning, "Previously on...." We get brief clips to help us fill in the blanks, just in case the TiVo failed, or we were in the bathroom or making a cup of tea duing the crucial moments in the last show.

Maybe I'll start doing that at the beginning of every month. It might be really boring at first, though.

"Previously on Barren Mare... the intrepid couple tried to get pregnant. Yet again, they could not. There were tears. There was some comfort food. There were attempts to grapple the heart's emotions into a headlock. There were hackneyed metaphors employed at every turn. TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR...oh, more of the same."

Zzzz. No wonder the Neilsen ratings are in the dumper. Maybe we could go one step further, and hire Movie Trailer Guy. Do you know who I mean? Every time you go to the movies, it's always the same voice booming out during the trailers before the main feature begins. And it always starts with some cheesy synopsis of the film, accompanied by stirring music. For example:

"In a world... where every day is fight to the death....where giant racoons roam the earth...where hard men are driven to harder choices.... a new kind of hero will rise to LEAD THEM ALL OUT OF THE DARKNESS..."

E. and I are obsessed with Movie Trailer Guy. Sometimes, when we're driving, or engaged in some really banal task, one of us will suddenly turn to the other and intone deeply,

"IN A WORLD...where every bend in the road uncovers another pothole...where making a left turn at the junction is a fight to the death...a lone driver will beat the odds, survive the traffic and arrive at the destination... ON TIME."

Try it sometime, it's very amusing and entertaining.


At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We are also obsessed with movie trailer guy. Ours is:

"In a time, in a place, there were some people. They did a thing. ONE MAN, ROSE ABOVE, TO DO A DIFFERENT THING. . . "

We make our own fun.


At 1:59 PM, Blogger Karen said...

I think movie trailer guy would be the perfect voiceover for infertility. "In the search ... for a single egg without devastating malformations ... for a follicle that isn't an empty chasm of doom ... one couple stood alone." GOOD LUCK to you with your next steps.

At 2:07 PM, Blogger Suz said...

I'm glad you made the decision. I'll be thinking of you and following this serial as it unfolds.

At 3:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahahahaha, I love it. "Where giant racoons roam the earth"! Hahahaha. "One man rose above to do a different thing"! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

- getupgrrl

At 3:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, I've gotten control of myself now. I apologize for laughing so loudly.

Mare, what I wanted to say was, WOO HOO GO TREATMENT! My whole heart follows you down this path. Also my feet and my considerable ass.

- getupgrrl

At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now that I've discovered your blog, my plan is to settle in with a nice glass of wine and start reading from the very beginning. Which I'll probably do this weekend, because we all know I have no life.

That said, I love your "previously on..." idea. The more people I run into in Blogland, the more difficult it becomes to remember the details of each story. You need a freaking spreadsheet to keep it all straight!

Deborah/The Trying Game

At 5:54 PM, Blogger Mudbug said...

I love it. Now not only will I hear blog post voices in my head, Movie Trailer Man will be doing a running recap of events. Is it any wonder that I am slowly going insane.

Best of luck with your treatment. We'll be pulling for you.

At 6:13 PM, Blogger Pazel said...

I love that movie trailer guy. I imagine that he must pick up a lot of women with that voice. "As the city sleeps, without any warning, there is a knock at the door... in the stillness of the night, it's bootie call." But then they get tired of all the drama so they dump him and he becomes an incredible stalker. Fabulous at leaving messages on the answering machine.
"You thought it was over. You thought things were right again. You thought you could carry on without me. You were wrong..." Maybe they go out with him again just for the sequel, which is never as good as it was the first time.

At 7:11 PM, Blogger amyesq said...

YAY for going the treatment route. Yay mainly for making a decision. That is probably a load off right there. Now don't look back, Rosebud!

At 8:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That guy's name is Don Lafontaine. I almost had an opportunity to interview him for a project I was working on - I was so excited! He has a studio in his house so he never has to walk out the door for work. Unfortunately, the project fell through. So I'll never be able to use my meeting with him as a conversation starter. Sad.

Good luck.


At 8:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my god, we made Getupgrrl laugh.

Did you almost crap your pants? I did.


At 12:56 PM, Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

OMG, thank you for making me laugh so early in the morning! If you truely love the movie trailer guy you must check out comedian Pablo Francisco (Knee to the Groin) and his rendition. Made me wee my pants in the car.

Mare, I'm glad you made a decision and you're allowed all the editorial rights of any dramatic writer!


At 1:25 PM, Blogger E. said...

I nearly swallowed my own face trying not to be pushy and ask what you had decided. :) "On an island...where the only answer is 'you'll find out someday,' one woman chose...TO MAKE HERSELF A CUP OF TEA."

I'll be here cheering you on, every step.

At 6:00 PM, Blogger Spit said...

I love it, gonna have to try that on D. over the weekend

At 4:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent! Good luck with treatment and I'll be here holding your handing and analyzing symptoms right along with you.


At 7:24 PM, Blogger usako said...

hey, have you ever seen the movie trailer (preview?) for Jerry Seinfeld's "Comedian"? It has that guy, doing pretty much the same thing you proposed.. "In a world... One girl... TWO girls... At the edge of the universe...". Too funny.

At 11:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Listen to RedCarpet Talk!!! New show posted every Wednesday. This is our first show of 2007! Join us for an interview with Don LaFontaine. Meet our new host, Actress Lisa Cash And much much more!


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