Thursday, January 20, 2005


And the result of this month's patented "Let's give trying au natural a try for just three more months before leaping on to ART Express Train to Hell" Plan?

BFN. No, let's make that BFFN- Big Fat Fucking Negative- because that's what it is. So...strike one.

On the upside, the aliens were clearly impressed with my laser death beam rays pointed directly at their home planet, because E. is being so sweet again. He's not really a "bouquet of flowers" kinda guy, but he did turn up tonight with a very nice bottle of wine and a take-away chicken curry. Plus spicy pakora treats.

Oh, and a bag of jelly babies. I forget if they have these in the States. Do you know of what I speak? They are a teeny bit like gummi bears in that they have a peculiar gelatinous type consistency, only slightly sweeter, and of course, shaped like fat little baby shaped people. I thought for a second this would make me cry, but then I ate a few, and started laughing.

We danced around the kitchen together while the food was re-heating. We ate with gusto. Then for the last hour we've been spooned up on the couch, drinking wine and biting the heads off the jelly babies one by one. And I had to sneak away for a minute just to reflect about this strange state in which we find ourselves suspended yet again. Happy and sad.

So happy and so sad.


At 12:44 AM, Blogger Suz said...

I spent a year each in England & Scotland & remember them well. I like the idea of biting the heads off and am glad that you reconnected with E. Happy & yet so sad - I'm amazed at how you capture the emotions that I feel sometimes too, so well.

At 1:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm happy and sad for you to.

Thinking of you.


At 2:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry about the bfn. I'm right behind you and will be receiving my bfn in a matter of days...

Ain't life grand? And hey! Kick down with those jelly babies...I'd like to bite the head off of a few myself ;-)


At 3:37 AM, Blogger Jen P said...

Mmmm...Jelly Babies. Mmmmm

So glad to hear those Aliens returned your E. I was worried there was going to be serious ass-kicking. And curry -- nice move E!

So sorry for the sad, but glad there's some happy as well.

Best wishes.

At 4:18 AM, Blogger sweetisu said...

Wasn't around for a couple of days.
Didn't know your living arrangement was as such. Yikes that's very tough.
I'm glad he came wagging his tail and his version of 'boquet of flowers'. Very nice make up.
I'm sorry about the bffn.

At 1:54 PM, Blogger Dee said...

So sorry about the BFN Mare.

But glad to know that E. has been returned from the aliens' clutches and brought a peace offering of jelly babies among other gifts. Here's to retailiatory head biting and quality time spent spooning :-)

At 3:47 PM, Blogger lobster girl said...

Welcome back E! Make sure they didn't do any crazy tests on him. That's what those aliens do, right?

I'm so sorry about your BFN, sweetie. Sorry, BFFN. That you could have a happy/sad evening anyway, though, tugs at my heart.

At 4:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, you stole my epiphany! Recently I realized that I could be (and would be, for quite a long time) very happy and very sad at the exact same time. It sounds silly (and to prove it, a good, infertile friend laughed in my face when I told her), but it actually transformed me. Now I can be unabashedly thrilled at the prospect of adopting and still heartbroken that our own genes are skidding to a stop.

Happy and sad for you, too. Thanks for recording the journey so eloquently.


At 4:45 PM, Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

Ahh, I'm happy and sad for you as well.

Not only do we not have Jelly Babies, we don't have takeaway curry. Or HP sauce or Branston pickle.

-Blue (one hungry Anglophile)
The Thrifty Mom Blog

At 5:38 PM, Blogger amyesq said...

So glad the aliens returned E. I hope you two can have a nice, relaxing weekend together. You really deserve it.

At 7:12 PM, Blogger E. said...

Fuck. Why do those fluffy "it happened right before we were giving up and trying ART" only happen to Other People? Not fair (juvenile, but true)!!! I am so sorry for that miserable BFFN. Thank goodness your sweet E is back and helping to comfort you.

At 4:02 AM, Blogger Soper said...

Yeah! Blogger would not let me post yesterday, so POO to it.

Sorry 'bout the BFN; I watched a bit of Harry Potter today on Disney and wondered if E sounds at all like Wood. I can see wanting to have a baby that makes silly noises like a Scotsman.

Come have coffee with me any time, not just on Thursdays. Need a really ugly, compelling topic for next week. Let me know if you know of one...

At 3:26 AM, Blogger Baby Hungry Man said...

Rock on.


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