Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Alien Brainsuckers Stole My Man!

Firstly, many thanks to all you blogging muffins for your kind comments. I can say- without exaggeration- that because of you, I had a reason to get out of bed the last two days.

I wish I could say that I am feeling lots better, but that would be somewhat untrue, since there is still a wee bit of drama going on here at the Barn. Actually, a lot of the drama is probably all in my head. Hard to tell, since I am so hormonal at the moment, like an electrical wire stripped bare. Listen, can you hear the synapses popping and crackling? I can assure you that I am normally as soft and fluffy as a little kitten. But- when I am in this frame of mind- I will quite happily, and with very little provocation, rip someone a new one.

How unfortunate then that E. should pick this particular moment to allow himself to be kidnapped by alien brainsuckers. Because that can be the only possible explanation for the conversation we had last night on the phone.

[Editor's note For those of you who are just joining in, and wondering why I seem to spend so much time on the phone to E. the answer is here.]

By way of background to our conversation last night, I should explain that, given we have this three month interlude in which to give the au natural method one last college try, I've been quietly doing a little background research on adoption. I'll go into what I have learned about adoption in more detail in another post- but as to why I've been looking, well, there a couple reasons for this. Firstly, I am a "big picture" kind of girl, and I like to have a sense of how all the various processes & options hang together. And I am aware that the adoption procedure in this country can have a very long lead-time, plus there are other scary factors like age limits and the requirement to be married.

Secondly, I must confess to suddenly having major qualms about leaping on the ART Express Line to Hell. Again, more on that another time. But I can tell you that my current state of mind is saying not "bring on the drugs", but rather "oh, fuck that noise". In light of that, I think it no bad thing to begin to at least get a handle of some of the fundamentals of adoption here.

Anyyway, I mentioned to E. on the phone last night that I've been in touch with an agency, and that I'd like to explore the adoption option.

"I think we should try medical treatment first," he said.

"Well, my fuzzy lambchop, I'm not saying no to that. But the problem is, as I understand it, we can't begin the adoption process if we are undergoing treatment. "

"I want us to have children of our own," he grumbled.

"But sweetie, an adopted baby WOULD be a baby of our own. Ours. We'd be a family."

"OK, well, then maybe we should sign up for adoption while we're doing the treatment,"

"Ah," I replied, "no can do, buckaroo. You can't get on the adoption preparation class (which has a one year waiting list at present) if you are undergoing treatment."

"How will they find out? They'll never know!" he said.

Ahem. I then pointed out to him that LYING on the application form is probably not a good way to begin. And I said I thought that it was more than likely that as part of the application process we would be required to show medical certificates, which would indicate that we had been diagnosed as infertile.

Ok. This is the part where I realised E. has been kidnapped by alien brainsuckers. Are you ready?

"We're not infertile!" he said.

"Excuse me?" I squawked, slopping my Tension Tamer tea all down my front. "The doctor diagnosed us as having unexplained infertility at our last appointment!"

" I never heard him say that, " E. snapped.

"Well, he DID. I don't know where you were at the time, but he told us..."

E. interrrupted me. "I don't want to have this conversation right now. This conversation has ended."

"Oh, I cannot fucking believe this," I raged. "You are honestly telling me that on Planet E., we're not infertile. That the diagnosis of unexplained infertility passed you by? Let me repeat that, IDIOPATHIC infertility. Are you in deep denial about all this, or just stupid?""

I carried on in that vein for about five full minutes. Before I realised I was talking to the air, and that he had hung up on me.

Oh. Oh. Oh. I cannot tell you how much I hate it when people hang up on me. So I phoned him back and spat tacks down the line at him for another two minutes, before he hung up on me again. Fucker. We did that two or three more times in quick succession until I gave up and stormed off to bed in a puff of smoke and thunderclap.

Hopefully, I will calm down by the time I see him, and will be able to negotiate a treaty with the aliens for E.'s swift restoration to me.


At 7:10 PM, Blogger JJ said...

Oh! Oh! Oh! I don't even know what to say.

Alien brainsuckers are the only logical explanation...

At 7:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oy. I am very sorry. Very. Sorry.

I can only hope that facing this head on with all the thunder and fury will get you to a resolved situation faster than gently skirting the issue and just crossing your fingers it'll all work out.
But you're gonna have to make him pay for the hanging up.

At 7:55 PM, Blogger Beaver Girl said...

It wasn't aliens - it was my husband that stole your husband's brain. He still insists after 2 iui's and 1 ivf that we aren't infertile. Right. Unexplained makes it harder for them to accept, I think. Ok honey, we aren't infertile. Make sure you can be out of the office on Friday for the egg retrieval for a second IVF, ok? OK.

At 9:15 PM, Blogger Suz said...

It's probably because we have male factor that my husband "gets" that we're infertile. However, big picture person he's not. He sees figuring out what to do if IVF fails as "negative thinking." It's caused some conflict, yup. We're working it out but the dog is now longer scared when the doors slam.

At 9:49 PM, Blogger amyesq said...

UGH! What a PIA E is being right now! After several IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF, I have come to the conclusion that if you don't tell your partner 20 times and use small words, they don't get it. Whenever I see a little Asain girl I say to Dh "look how sweet! We should really look into adoptions from China and Korea." and he says "Let's just have one of our own dear." Like we haven't been TRYING for almost four years?!?!?

I don't blame you for feeling reticent about venturing further into the ART maze. As you can see from so many other wonderful blogs, it can be tough. It can also be wonderful, hence Julie's, Tertia's, Julia's and so many others' wonderful news this week. Of course the decision is yours and E's alone. Good luck getting to the same page. Shoot, sometimes it is tough to even get to the same book.

If you need anything just email.

At 12:01 AM, Blogger persephone said...

Who was it who said recently that men are about 2 years behind women in processing infertility? I don't think E. has turned into a pod person, I think he's just a man. My husband told me recently that he's been listening, he knows what the doctors said, he knows we've done three failed IUIs - but he still doesn't really believe that we're infertile. And he was serious.

I think Beaver Girl is right, it's partly the unexplained diagnosis. Because there's always a chance, however miniscule, that we're just outliers - way, WAY out - on the bell curve. My doctor even suggested that we might put off treatment until we'd been TTC a full three years, because statistics show some unexplained couples still conceive by themselves up till then. I was like I DON'T THINK SO.

But I guess that means maybe the men could be... right?

At 12:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My round robin conversation with my husband went something like this:

Him: "We're not infertile, we can get pregnant, we just had a miscarriage."

Me: "It's been two years, do you see a baby in this house?"

H: "We're not infertile."

M: "Do you see a baby in this house?"

H: "We're NOT infertile!!!"

M: "Do YOU see a BABY in THIS house?"

And so on....we still haven't declared a winner on that particular row. However, I don't see a baby in my house...

Thinking of you. Sigh, yes, Alien Brainsuckers, there is no other explanation.


At 1:17 AM, Blogger Heather said...

It took an actual physical demonstration from our RE involving two hands and a piece of Kleenex (long story -- I can send you a picture if you're that interested) for my husband to understand that, indeed, his boys were not EVER going to reach my girls. That was after about 18 months of trying with nothing to show for it. Even now, I'm pretty sure he's never actually used the "I" word. Men. I can only imagine it's even worse when your diagnosis is "unexplained."

At 5:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, our husbands have been hanging around together. Remember my post a few days back? Jesus! What the fuck is with them?? They just can't admit it, can they? T. actually said that we could get pregnant "naturally" and keep trying after this next IVF fails. Grrrrrrr.
hang in there. They come around eventually. And we all know it just takes them longer to mull over anything.

At 5:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Men. They really can push your buttons sometimes.

While I am not happy that you had this argument, I am relieved that other women get so frustrated with their partners that the partner will demand that the conversation be over and/or hang up. Also I'm relieved to hear that I'm not the only one to call back.

For us, it's usually a 24-48 hour recovery time.

Good luck,


At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could we be married to the same man, possibly? G and I had nearly the same conversation a few days ago.

The kicker was when I gently told him "Honey, we can't really wait anymore. I'm 39" and his response was "So???? I'm 45!!!"

He knows better, so I agree with you. I think it's aliends. Since then, G seems to have returned to his body and things are somewhat better. I'm just hoping the aliens didn't abduct and impregnate me in retaliation ... that would be hard to explain after the whole "infertile" diagnosis ...


At 2:35 PM, Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

Oh! You've had Alien Brain Suckers as well? We have rashes of them here periodically.

Why is it that they only attack MEN? Hmmmmmm...

Good luck with the negotiations.

-Blue (The Thrifty Mom blog)


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