Molasses in January

I got a letter today, dated 22 December, from my RE. He advised that my HSG report had shown up 10 minutes after we left the clinic (having up until then been delayed in the post). And that, surprise surprise, all was normal. I knew this already, but it was nice that he bothered to write to confirm it.

However. The date of the letter did give me pause. Even factoring in the postal service, and the various public holidays, there was a distinct sensation of the slow movement of pond water.

But then, I've come to expect this. Nothing gets done at speed in this country. After all these years, I have devised a theory as to why that should be so. It's not because Scottish people are lazy or lax by nature (apart from the lad who checked my groceries the other day- I've seen garden slugs with more energy). On the contrary, there are a great many hardworking and industrious little bees in this Caledonian hive.

No, the reason is that a large number of people in the workforce have a large number of annual paid vacation days. Not just the high heejuns or the head of company. No sirree, for your basic full-time employee, 25 days or five weeks is fairly standard. Plus public holidays like Christmas, New Year, and the odd jubilee for Queen Whasserface. It all averages out to be about six or seven weeks a year. And then you get other companies with flexi-time, so if you work more than your alloted hours per week, you can claim it back later on, at a time that suits you.

This, it has to be said, is a good thing about living here. Holiday time, at least in my place of business, is sacred. If you don't use all your many holidays, you get a large boss-shaped person chasing you around the desk with some suntan lotion and a floppy hat, screaming "GO ON VACATION!!!"

The irony is that this is the same person who will be shouting at you when you get back for not having the Aegean stables of backlog cleared in time. But hey, it's all about striving for the work/life balance.

The point is that in any given task, goal, or chore involving more than one person, there is a very high probability that at least one individual in the equation will be about to on holiday (and therefore too busy getting ready to go), on holiday (and therefore absent), or just back from holiday (and therefore too busy catching up). Add more than one person and it's absolutely inevitable.

For example, if I phone up to make an appointment with Dr Ticktock, I will almost certainly be told that he will skiing in Chamonix on the desired dates. Could I leave a message with the receptionist? Well, the main receptionist is presently sunning herself in Benidorm, but her lackey could pass on the request. And then when three weeks go by and I phone to yell at the lackey, it turns out she has headed off to Blackpool for a short break, forgetting to pass on my earlier request.

Finally somebody phones me back, only to get my answering machine- because I'm away on holiday in Florida/Amsterdam/Darkest Peru. By the time I return, Dr Ticktock is away again.

In short, I have realised that I need to take into account the "Molasses in January" factor in all my future planning and plotting of treatment scheduling. Even though that drives me crazy. Do you think it would be a bad idea if I asked all the medical staff to give me print outs of their 2005 calenders, with their holiday bookings marked up in red pencil? No? Too excessively controlling, I hear you say?

Tell me, because I would love to hear- do things move as slowly in your part of the world, and if so, how do you deal with it?